Words unsaid at 10pm

i get up, work, eat, do chores, stretch my legs. when everything is done (haha) I’m left with this peculiar energy: my body is tired; my mind is tired; but i have things to do, grooves to play, words to say. sometimes i sit down at the piano, and kind of practice, kind of make music. kind of too tired for more than a kind of. sometimes i’m just done and want to turn off. then i binge: food and videos. i’ve been doing this for years. lately, i wonder: what’s the thing — the feeling, the thought, the realization — that i’m trying to drown out with these binges? what part never gets a word in? what words do i leave unspoken, day in and day out?